threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Sober January is a disaster.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
