Whod you bang
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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