Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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