Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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