You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
