Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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