pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
