So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
