Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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