hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize