so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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