Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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