I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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