you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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