I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
