I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Houston, we have a squirter
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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