..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
