When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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