I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
