Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days