We won't sleep together?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT