Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
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His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover