Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
