Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?