Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
They took my balls.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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