The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
