its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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