final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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