how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
