oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
