either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
