plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
