I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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