i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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