Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
