it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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