it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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