what day is it and did you see me today?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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