I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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