Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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