thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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