remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
