well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
His nipple licking is glorious
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