She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
