Cold hands, warm shart.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
