I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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