Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
