Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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