You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
