Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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