I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
