Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
