Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Omg I joined a choir last night...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
