I puked a lego.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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