am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
