well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
