I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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