you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
