OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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