is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
