So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
