you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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