he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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