Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
