YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
