I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize