I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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