He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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