Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
