come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think my fart just growled at me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We left the knife in your bed.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
