East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
