he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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