i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
